Why Some Of Us Can’t Show Their Love To Others

Yes to sleeping with someone, no to holding their hand in public?

Photo by Giang Vu on Unsplash

Last Sunday, I was walking to church. This is one of the most enjoyable things in my week-a chance to let loose, to feel the breeze in my hair and the sun on my face, now reflecting off the copper and gold rimmed canopy of the trees lining the streets. (A few Sundays past, a home goods store opened on the main shopping street of my city. They gave out free balloons in the shape of brightly coloured parrots. When people inevitably let go off their strings, the bobbing and twisting and turning that followed turned the drab shop fronts into a charming scene seemingly straight out of Amelie. It made my heart sing.)

I was walking briskly, wanting to be on time. It’s an hour’s walk because I’m loath to take public transport unless I need to these days-a habit acquired during the pandemic. While coveting cinnamon buns that gleamed at me from behind a glass display, I brushed past a young couple. The woman was smiling, the man as well. ‘I want to hold your hand so you have to hold my hand’, I heard. My smile got brighter, then dimmed slightly.

That incident put me in mind of something I’ve always known about myself but very rarely acknowledge. Personal touch does not come easy to me. I wasn’t starved of affection…